Kryptonite: Rocket Man
by The-Flame-Faerie
Summary: What happens when you add Tara Creighton-Ward, her friends, their childhood matchmaking games and an eavesdropping Alan? One incredibly mortified Creighton-Ward, and one horrifically amused Tracy -- that's what


_**a/n**__ Wow. This is... something I never really thought about doing, but after being hit by this idea, and having absolutely __no__ idea where I could slot it in... here we are._

_A Kryptonite Universe oneshot._

_Anyway (this might be a bit of a long note too, guys. But I need to say this NOW before we start):_

_There are characters in here that you might not recognise (i.e. Amber Lam, Charlotte Silva and Ophelia Firth_). _I assure you – you DO know these characters but under different names. "Amber" is the new form of "Linda", "Charlotte" is the new "Monique" and "Ophelia"? You know her as "Lara"._

_I'll explain more after the oneshot_.

**WARNING**_**: **__This is not for the faint hearted and innocent. It is inspired by the find of my group's old MATCH and fivelines games in my desk drawer. Have I mentioned my friends were complete perverts in our first years of high school?_

* * *

**Rocket Man**

* * *

_June 19__th__, 2064_

It was the first of the "sign out days" for the class of 2064 at Brighton's most prestigious Thorntree Academy, and, more specifically, it was the day that the greatest marauders to ever set foot into the school had elected to gather together and clear out their old dorms and lockers.

These "marauders", as they came to be called by their teachers, better known as Ophelia Firth, Charlotte Silver, Amber Lam, Jennifer James and the former Captain and Dux of 2064, Tara Creighton-Ward, were, at this moment in time, congregating in their soon-to-be-former dorm room, attempting to sort through everything that was strewn all over the floor.

"Good lord!" Charlotte groaned, "Did we just _horde_ every last bit of crap we could?"

"Seems we did," Tara grimaced, seizing a ruler from the pile on her bedspread and knelt back down, poking tentatively at something blue and fuzzy under her bed, "For crying out loud, I wasn't even _here_ for a year and there's still a lot of shit for me to tidy!"

Amber rolled her eyes.

"Have you cleaned out the Captain's dormitory yet then, Oh Captain, my Captain?" Tara shot her Asian friend a dark look over the quilt.

"I didn't need to. It was _relatively_ clean, and Mary-Sue went on an insane cleaning binge before we graduated. You know, seeing as she was and is completely obsessed with being "perfect"…" the girls snickered, "... and just proving the fact she's a right _nutter_,"

"Oh leave Mary-Sue alone," Jenny protested, "It's not her fault she was born into an unfortunate personality!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Jenny..." Amber began slowly, "when you speak, can you actually _hear_ what you say, or is it more of a roaring in your ears?"

The girl had to duck quickly to avoid the book pegged at her.

"Children, calm down,"

"Oh sod off Tara," Jenny returned to cramming her gear into a box.

Meanwhile, Amber peered up from her hiding spot on the floor.

"Tara, darling..."

"Yep?"

"Isn't that a lot of stuff for you to be carrying alone?" Tara rolled her eyes.

"But see, _that's_ the beauty of it. _I'm_ not going to be carrying it," she grinned triumphantly as she stuffed her junior years into a large trunk, "I've... _enlisted_... the help of a marvelous creature,"

"Oh yeah?" Ophelia glanced over the top of the notebook she was reading, "And what creature's that? A masochist?"

Blonde waves bounced as Tara shook her head.

"Better," she grinned, "I've got a boy,"

"Oh?" four eyebrows arched suspiciously, "Any boy we know?"

A sly smile danced over Tara's lips.

"Perhaps,"

"Is he a boy any of us know intimately?" the blonde shot Amber a look.

"Is he a boy that _you_ know intimately?" Ophelia added, receiving a darker glare.

"You're all sick," Tara stacked her 2nd year Latin notes somewhat neatly, "He's a family friend. And, for the day, he's my Boy-Sherpa(1),"

"Boy-sherpa got a name?"

"Call him "boy". Or, if you're feeling adventurous, "slave boy","

"I'm sure that's what you call him all the time, darlin'," without glancing up, Tara pegged a scrunched ball of 3rd year Latin worksheets at Jenny's head.

The five former students continued to work in relative peace, until suddenly Ophelia burst into raucous laughter.

They let her continue for a few moments, and as she calmed down, the girl glanced down at the book in her lap and started again.

"Plan on letting the rest of us in on the joke, 'Phil, or shall we just assume you've seen the word "bum" again?" Amber forced her drama text into a bag. Ophelia snickered.

"Better than that, guys," she held out the book to the Asian girl, "check it out,"

Amber's dark eyes skimmed the page, before she too burst into giggles.

"Is this from...?"

"First year? Yeah,"

Jenny, Charlotte and Tara exchanged glances.

"Still lost, guys," Charlotte rested her chin on the palm of her hand, "Care to share?"

"Remember our obsession with finding true love and all that with games like "MATCH" and "Five lines"?" Azure eyes widened.

"Oh, you didn't," Ophelia smirked.

"We did, Tars. We found 'em,"

Charlotte snatched the book from Amber's loose grip and immediately snickered.

"Naww, Jenny! This first future's for you?"

"Oh yeah?" Jenny flopped onto her bed, "What's it got?"

"Well..." black eyes flickered down the page, "You're going to live in a toilet in America with your husband, Mr. North, have a million kids, and drive a rolls to work as a prostitute,"

The room burst into laughter. Jenny's face flushed.

"Gee, _thanks_ guys. Sometimes I think you used to deliberately rig it so I'd land on "Mr. North,"

"Well, Jen," Amber piped up between gasping laughter, "You _did_ have such a crush on our first form science teacher..."

Jenny glared at all her friends, before plucking the notebook from Charlotte and flicking through it. A devious smirk danced over her features almost immediately.

"Think _my_ future's funny, Amber? How'd you like to hear about your first date?"

"Go right ahead,"

"Amber, dearest, you're going to be asked out by Elijah Masen—"

"Who the hell is he?"

"You remember," Tara rested her chin on her crossed arms atop her mattress, "he was that weedy kid from Rowan Grammar School that we met at the "brother/sister school" gig in first form,"

"Oh, that's right!" Charlotte laughed, "He kept following you around, didn't he Ophelia?"

The curl with the tight black curls glared.

"Keep reading Amber's fortune, Jenny," was her only response.

"Hmm? Right! Anyway, Elijah Masen was going to pick Ams up and take her back to his bedroom for a romantic interlude. When they were there, Elijah stuck is... oh dear, this _is_ raunchy,"

"Finish the story, Jennifer," Tara drawled.

"Sorry. Elijah stuck his willy in Amber's knickers, and Amber said "Is that it?"

Charlotte snorted loudly.

"_Willy_? Good God we were hilarious at twelve! And you said he stuck it in her _knickers_?" the girls snickered.

Amber snatched the notebook back from Jenny and flicked over a few more pages. Whilst she searched, the others continued packing.

"Oh, I've got one! Charlotte, would you like to know _your_ future?"

"Go _right_ ahead there, Amber dearest,"

"WELL! Charlotte, darling, you're going to be a _very successful_ stripper, who's married to the pilot of Thunderbird 4—" Tara choked on her own tongue for a moment, but the others ignored her, "—and have... pi number of children, whilst living in a church in Afganistan. And ever day, you're going to drive to work on... a chicken,"

There was another explosion of laughter.

Charlotte grinned.

"Hey, if I'm married to the pilot of Thunderbird 4, it's not all bad!"

Again, Tara choked on her tongue for a moment.

The others chose to ignore her this time.

Ophelia pilfered the book back from Amber and scanned the rest of the page. She laughed.

"It seems we were having a very "International Rescue" themed day that day, girls. There's a whole lot of Thunderbird references in _these_ futures,"

"Yeah? Such as?"

Ophelia glanced up at her friends, amusement clear on her features.

"Want the tame futures or the raunchy ones?"

The response was overwhelming for the latter.

.1.

Alan wasn't _quite_ sure how he'd managed to get wrangled into this, but he had a vague idea that it had _something_ to do with Tara's puppy dog eyes and the fact he was completely twisted around her pinky finger.

_Damn_.

As it was, he was steadily trudging up the stairs to the 6th form dormitories, mentally preparing himself for the heavy load he was going to most assuredly find up there.

It wasn't until he reached the landing, however, that he heard the raised voices of the girls inside the room. He lifted a hand to knock, but immediately stopped as soon as he could hear the conversation currently taking place between the five girls.

"_...the raunchy ones, huh? Well, who should I start with? Ahh, let's go alphabetically, shall we? Amber, the pilot of Thunderbird 4 is going to take you on a nice, romantic date to Thunderbird 2, where..."_

Alan's eyes just about bugged out of his skull.

Yet, as wrong as he knew it was to eavesdrop, he just couldn't help it. He wanted to see where this was going...

.1.

"..._where_..." Ophelia's finger skimmed over the page, "_Ah!_ Where he's going to stick his lips up your knickers, leading you to exclaim "Thunderbirds are go!","

No-one seemed to notice that Tara was turning an interesting shade of puce in the corner. The others just laughed.

"Now, Charlotte daaaarling, you are going to be courted by the wonderfully handsome pilot of Thunderbird 1—" Tara's face grew more puce-coloured, "—who will take you out to the movies, and ever so romantically stick his fingers up your skirt. Driven by lust, you'll respond "FAB". Naww, isn't that romantic?"

.1.

Alan didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

.1.

"Ahh, Jennifer James... you, dearest, are going to be asked out by the _fabulous_ pilot of Thunderbird 2, who will take you, rather romantically, to a... classroom – poor girl – where he'll stick his hand in your lap, only to have you respond "Rock me like a hurricane!","

Tara didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Ahh, now _my_ future sounds fun. I'm going to be courted by the handsome pilot of Thunderbird 5 to the hot tub, where he's stick his head in my—" her eyes widened, "Oh goodness. Well, you can just imagine where he's going to stick his head—"

"Yes we can!" Tara squeaked, "just please finish!"

Again, the others ignored Tara's idiosyncrasies. They'd long accepted the fact that the moment they fangirled over the International Rescue boys, Tara turned into a complete weirdo.

"—and I'm going to exclaim "Oh, International Rescue me!"

.1.

Alan would have laughed, were:

(a) he not afraid of getting caught eavesdropping and

(b) they not discussing his _brothers_ in raunchy acts

.1.

"And, of course, last but not least – Tara, darling,"

"You can skip me!" her voice was more high pitched than any of them ever remembered it being before. None-the-less, Ophelia smirked in that devious-deviant way of hers.

"Nonsense, Tara dearest. I think it's only fair that you know about your _incredibly hot date_ with the spunky pilot of Thunderbird 3!"

"No, no, it's okay!"

.1.

Alan leaned further into the door.

Okay, so he was somewhat insanely curious.

So sue him.

.1.

"Shush, Tara! Now, where was I? Ah, yes! Spunkbum Thunderbird 3 pilot is going to take you on a very _suggestive_ date to his bedroom—"

Tara blanched.

"—where he's going to... Ohhh dear..." Ophelia's brow crept up her forehead, "Well, this _is_ interesting. He's going to stick his... _male appendage_ in your dainty mouth, Tara dear... and you've... ahh... _blown his world_, you're going to look up at him lovingly and declare—" At this, Ophelia broke off in laughter, and had to hand the book on to another.

However, the reaction was the same for all of them.

Tara didn't dare to peer through her fingers, lest she find out exactly _what_ she was supposed to say to Alan.

.1.

"_She'll say __what__?"_ Despite the hot flush creeping over his cheeks, Alan was desperate to know how this ended.

.1.

It took a few moments, but finally Ophelia calmed down enough to continue.

"Tara, dear, are you still listening?"

"_Unfortunately_," came the response muffled by the girl's pillow.

"Well, Tara, after... licking his lolly, you're going to look up at him and say..." the girl with the book glanced at the others. With a quick nod, Charlotte cleared her throat and knelt beside her bed in mockery of her blonde friend.

"Oh, Thunderbird 3 pilot, I can see why they call you "rocket man"!"

The room burst into raucous laugher once more.

Tara praised whatever deity there was up there that Alan wasn't around to hear this.

.1.

Alan wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry now that he _had_ heard all of this.

So, instead he settled for a more neutral action.

He made as much noise as he possibly could to alert the girls of his approach, and knocked on the door.

The sight he was greeted with was four girls, rolling on their beds, tears streaming down their cheeks as they howled in laughter, and a bright, _bright_ red daughter of Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward.

"Alan!" the blonde squeaked, "I'm done! Help me with this trunk!" she shoved it at her long time male friend (and the pilot of Thunderbird 3, unbeknownst to her hyena-like companions in the door), before gathering a box and rushing out and down the stairs.

Alan followed, already deciding that he should take that whole scene with amusement.

_This_, he promised himself, _would be something to enjoy poking fun at Tara for_...

.1.

The moment they were halfway across the Thorntree grounds, Tara's face had returned to normal and she had settled into a comfortable pace beside Alan.

She nudged him gently.

"Over there's the fountain Jen, 'Lotte and I filled with bubble bath in 3rd form. They've nicknamed it "bubbles" ever since,"

"Have they?"

"Well, only those here long enough to remember it..."

There was a moment of silence.

"Speaking of nicknames..." Alan glanced over at Tara, who was turning slightly, head cocked slightly to the side, "... I hear I'm now going by "_Rocket man_"?"

Tara froze, azure eyes widened in abject horror.

* * *

_**a/n**__ So why the change, I hear you ask?_

_It's simple. Most of you probably aren't aware that I'm in the process of (death-by-HSC) rewriting Kryptonite. Completely._

_Now, I know that sucks, but I recently realised as I tried to write out the next chapter, I was about to have HUGE GROUNDBREAKING REVELATIONS THAT NO-ONE WOULD SEE COMING. Which, y'know, SHOULD make me happy, right?_

_Just one problem. NO-ONE would see them coming, because there was NO groundwork for them._

_It's like having Alan suddenly turn around and declare: "Hey everyone! I'm a fish!"_

_Also, most of you out there probably remember that long hiatus I had after my best friend died a few years ago – both because I was in mourning for her and because there was a character with her name in Kryptonite? Because it still hurts to write the "Frances" character, I needed to go back and rename and rewrite. Thus, "Frances", "Stephanie" and "Maddie" become "Alexia", "Dylan" and "Michelle". More on that later._

_Thus, there are rewrites._

_Anyway, I'm going to be indisposed for the next... 50 or so days with my HSC exams (kill me) so there will be NO updates/re-writes until that is over._

_I'd also like to take this moment to say thankyou to all of my wonderful reviewers who've stuck by me in this... unproductive time._

_That, as well as "I'm sorry"._

_Finally, I just thought I'd drop in – Donna was __great__. And the series end left me fairly satisfied as well. :facepalm: I'm such a Rose/Ten shipper, it's not funny._

_But until I see you all again, I must bid you adieu._

_(or, just so I can argue that I was studying Latin Extension, "Vale")_

_xx The Flame Faerie_

* * *

_(1) The term "boy-sherpa" belongs solely to my former English teacher and deputy principal, the man we call NoMo_


End file.
